


VOLLEGE

by lol-phan-af (sunflowersocialist)



Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [116]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College, F/F, F/M, M/M, Moving, Multi, Polyamory, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-17 22:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21550921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowersocialist/pseuds/lol-phan-af
Summary: france eyes: I UNDERSTAND MY PARENTS LIKE MEfrance eyes AND I GET THEY'RE SAD IM GOING OFF TO COLLEGEfrance eyes: BUT WE ARE GOING TO COLLEGE. THIRTY MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE.france eyes: help me
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton/John Laurens/Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette/Hercules Mulligan, Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson/Lafayette/John Laurens/James Madison/Hercules Mulligan, Anastasie Louise Pauline du Motier/Martha Jefferson Randolph, James Cunnington/Francis Henderson (b.c 1774)/Frances Laurens, Theodosia Burr Alston/Philip Hamilton
Series: 1-800-did-I-ask [116]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/421381
Comments: 13
Kudos: 112





	VOLLEGE

**france eyes** : I UNDERSTAND MY PARENTS LIKE ME

 **france eyes** AND I GET THEY'RE SAD IM GOING OFF TO COLLEGE

 **france eyes** : BUT WE ARE GOING TO COLLEGE. THIRTY MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE.

 **france eyes** : help me

 **james** : babE?? YOU OKAY???

 **france eyes** : I love my PARENTS sometimes though they're just the most irritating people on the planet

 **france eyes** : I sound really stupid right now sorry

 **james** : nOPE!! you do not everything all the time is valid

 **france eyes** : aw remember one time we fought and you go ""YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE NOT VALID RIGHT NOW!! NOT VALID!!"" and then left my house skdhsjdshd 

**james** : this is not what we're talking about rN 

**james** : also I love you!!

 **france eyes** : I love you too!! 

**james** : wanna talk about it??

 **france eyes** : there's not a lot to say it's just !! my family talks and talks and talks and yells about everything and most of the time it's FINE but we're so tight-knit that when one of us leaves we get upset and then angry and take it out on each other and they're!! passive aggressive-ness is not something I want when I'm going to fucking college and having to adapt to an entire new life like !! mmmmgmgm I need a hug

 **france eyes** : and I feel bad bc your parents are !! my parents aren't even a problem !! when you've been through so much I love you 

**james** : now THAT 

**james** : that second message is what I liked to call invalid

 **james** : I adore you and respect your problems, and I accept that each person comes with their own set of problems and things that bother them, no matter how "insignificant" they seem, they are valid 

**james** : also frances told me to tell you you can come over if you want!!

 **james** : she's currently listening to meditation videos at top vol in her bed under three comforters and her weighted blanket, which was supposed to be packed in her shit for college btw, but is not, so she is indisposed 

**james** : I'm sitting at her desk looking at clubs I can join so I actually fucking. have friends. 

**james** : not that I don't love y'all obvs I just don't LIKE anyone from our high school so. college. and clubs. and not sucking at being alive.

 **james** : I would very much like you to come over so I can cash in on that hug

 **france eyes** : thank god I'm leaving now

 **james** : yay!! 

**james** : frances is like fucking floating so I assume she's also excited

 **france eyes** : ??? floating

 **james** : she's like just chillin the fuck out doin whatever as this guy tells her not to do this whilst driving and she and like,,,wiggles,,,and hums occasionally at random intervals and I love her 

**france eyes** : wow I'm. hold on

\---

 **france eyes** : WE LOVE FRANCES AND IM GOING TO KILL GOD

 **james** : YEAH!!!!

 **theodosia the Second** : oh word me and pip are having a dance sesh to broadway songs while my parents are gone and I'm getting water now while he is rummaging through our costume room and I'm just. very enamored with my boyfriend!! 

**france eyes** : c o s t u m e r o o m

 **france eyes** : GOD I can't wait to live on my own ((with james and francis)) and be in love and have a COSTUME ROOM??? like WOW

 **theodosia the Second** : I can't wait to. be married to pip. 

**theodosia the Second** : let's. let's have a conversation. let's talk

 **theodosia the Second** : so, philip hamilton-lafayette, the love of my life, the light of my stars, made me BREAKFAST and I was like oh cool wow we stan a man who can cook and he was like ""I made orange juice and didn't realize until like. twenty minutes in that you might need the oranges for something so uhh,,,don't be mad??"" and then we spilled all the orange juice bc I I crowded him up against the counter and !! I love him!!! what the fuck!! 

**james** : I woke up at three in the morning to frances fast asleep with her face pressed into my shoulder and she yelled at me bc I was trying to take a picture and woke her up skdjhskdjh

 **james** : like !! we're so young but I don't feel like it's irrational to want to spend my life with these people like !! when I think of all the things I'm going to one day achieve, I don't want anyone else to be there with me celebrating except my franci like !! they're the ones I want to share everything with 

**theodosia the Second** : same!! like I look at philip and I just see my entire life with him like I want to be seventy dancing in our kitchen with him !! and he tells me that he feels the same way all the time so it's like. wow!! we're on the sAME PAGE of the BOOK OF OUR LIFE that I want to SEE TO THE END with HIM

 **james** : RIGHT!! LIKE TF!! and I'm just like !! rn bc frances has anxiety and she's trying so hard not to freak out before college tomorrow and I just love her so much she !! doesn't deserve this !! and like I want to protect her but I can't do Anything !! but be there for her and I'm just like wow I never want to Not be there for her. I just want to love her forever

 **france eyes** : !! 

**france eyes** : ALSO: A TOPIC WE NEED TO DISCUSS !!

 **france eyes** : shOULD WE?? initiate martha schuyler-wales into this group?? !!!

 **france eyes** : irrelevant thought but an interesting one nonetheless

 **theodosia the Second** : uhHHhh I was with ana the other day we went for dinner and she said that she didn't actually Confirm if her and martha are Girlfriends yet so !! once they have that conversation !! we got an enamel pin and a INITIATION DINNER for her 

**james** : !! yay !! I'm so happy for her 

**france eyes** : james I'm like five mins away !! also yAY!! 

**james** : okie!! hercules and john are upstairs I think but as far as I know everyone else is in the living room 

**france eyes** : are the jeffersons there?? 

**james** : ye!! lafayette and alex are having like. a panic. which is not ideal so frances is in here bc she's freaking out all the time

 **james** : I'm laying on top of her now

 **theodosia the Second** : WHY

 **james** : having extra pressure helps her calm down

 **theodosia the Second** : mood

 **theodosia the Second** : okaY GOTTA GO PIP IS BACK W A PHANTOM OF THE OPERA COSTUME ON AND I JUST. GOD

 **theodosia the Second** : WE'LL TALK ABT MARTHA LATER BYE BYE BYE

 **james** : bYE!! 

**france eyes** : bye!! 

\---

 **macaroni fUCK** : uhh hhhh I am. NOT SAYING that watchign alex and lafayette pace around in socks and shorts with hercules' t-shirts on while they try and sort all of frances' stuff for college is like. hot. IM NOT SAYING THAT 

**macaroni fUCK** : I'm just saying that it's like. funny and cute and my heart is like wow. heart EYES bitch

 **macaroni fUCK** : as I stand here uselessly bc they are speaking like. a secret language I don't even know where they don't have to talk to each other

 **little lion** : yeah it takes a couple years to be hooked up to the psychic link

 **little lion** : but it's nice and our kids hate it!! 

**jmadzzz** : oh I know they do 

**jmadzzz** : ana told us it was ""nice to have dads who Talk to each other instead of just communicating through looks"" 

**macaroni fUCK** : oh and you came home and cried bc you didn't want to do it in front of her in the car bc ana likes to make fun of you ((RIGHTLY SO))

 **jmadzzz** : oh compared to you, who sat in dead silence and teared up but turned the music up louder whenever I tried to comment

 **macaroni fUCK** : shut UP

 **little lion** : firST OF ALL

 **little lion** : this stress, combined with your cute ass is going to send me to an early grave so fuck y'all 

**little lion** : second, I love you and we're gonna make out rn for like one second bc I can't spare anymore

 **laf** : ALSO?? JOHN AND HERCULES?? GET D O W N HERE?? TF

 **johnn** : we're setting up the bathroom for you

 **johnn** : bc deadass you're stressed out to the point of panic and we are,,,your husbands,,,so we are doing this for you bc we love you and want to help you 

**laf** : I resent the accusation that I have ever been ""too stressed""

 **more like HUNKules** : it was in the vows that you wouldn't lie to us unless it was about surprise parties I'm calling the cops

 **laf** : it was NOT

 **more like HUNKules** : ,,,,wasn't it

 **laf** : no mine were about the Journey of Loving you

 **laf** : you had to ask me to stop halfway through so you could collect yourself 

**more like HUNKules** : OH and we got yelled at by my mom bc I kissed you halfway through

 **laf** : YES

 **more like HUNKules** : well then whAT AM I THINKING ABOUT??

 **johnn** : mY vows from when we got married at the courthouse 

**more like HUNKules** : ah

 **more like HUNKules** : it's been 14 years since we got married all I remember is like. seeing all of you for the first time, and having to take ibuprofen together in the bathroom before the reception bc we all got headaches from the crying

 **more like HUNKules** : love you all

 **little lion** : we love you too honey

 **little lion** : but also lafayette deadass your hands are shaking 

**little lion** : but also so are mine and we can't do ANYTHING until we are sure we have ALL of frances' stuff bc I want her to actually go to school and be confident there and not feel like she Has to come home but also like so we don't have to go there and cramp her style but LAOS so she doesn't feel like coming home is giving up like !!

 **little lion** : I don't make sense right now do I 

**johnn** : not at all come upstairs 

**more like HUNKules** : we have the list you made printed out and we will make sure everything is here with the help of james and thomas

 **little lion** : fine

 **laf** : should I just be more worried all the time so that hercules and john can just,,,run me baths

 **johnn** : no. bc that's not a thing

 **johnn** : you can just ask us to do it and we will bc we'd die for you right nOW which might not be the best considering frances DOES have to move into college tomorrow BUT we love you and we're gay and we would 

**more like HUNKules** : speaking of our dearest daughter, where the hell is she??

 **little lion** : we, being the calm rational parents we are, made her go do a Relaxing activity to calm down bc ma'am's hands started to get blotchy 

**laf** : which is a BIG no thank you bc she has bigger fish to fry tomorrow in college she shan't be having a panic attack tonight if we can stop it no sir not toDAY

 **laf** : I LOVE HER so MUCH

 **johnn** : come up here!! before we kill you!!! 

**laf** : comIN

 **little lion** : !!!

\---

 **frances** : I can't wait til we live in our own apartment

 **frances** : hi I heard francis was coming over so I decided to get up, and then james laid next to me and looked at me w his cute fACE and I was like wowowow lemme ramble

 **france eyes** : hello my love

 **france eyes** : I'm in the lobby now so you've got like. two minutes until I make out with you for seventy years so letS GO

 **frances** : GREAT

 **frances** : I CANT WAIT TO LIVE WITH YOU!!!

 **james** : frances you're gonna spend like every minute with us in our dorm we basically Will be living together

 **frances** : I'm talkin APARTMENTS BABEY

 **frances** : just!! a place we can make ours where we can paint the walls and hang polaroids everywhere bc the box in my room is getting too full and I want to just. put them Everywhere but I caNT bc I want to save them too and I just!! maybe we should get a house. it can be tiny I have money saved up 

**france eyes** : and we can be smoothie husbands and at night we can unpack our telescopes and see james on the moon !! 

**james** : that is

 **james** : okay

 **james** : !! when frances is a renowned publisher woman and francis comes home every night from counseling people or teaching or whatever!! he wants to do!! and we're already home ((maybe)) and he burrows into our blanket fort and we just relax with each other and unwind after the day just. content with each other. and I love him. 

**frances** : omg sleeping in a bed that actually fits all of us

 **frances** : imagine

 **james** : cooking meALS together like !! I want domesticity and just !! a future with you !! and we can go on lunch dates and travel the world and do whatever we want !! and I just !! I'm emotional don't speak to me 

**france eyes** : THOMAS LET ME IN IM COMING IN

 **france eyes** : IM JUMPING ON YOU BTW BRACE YOURSELVES

 **james** : oh dear fuck

\---

 **jmadzzz** : whY ARE YOU SCREAMING 

**frances** : FRANCIS JUMPED ON US AND HIS ELBOWS ARE FUCKING BONY SORRY 

**jmadzzz** : YOURE FINE I JUST WAS CONCERNED

 **frances** : JSDHKJSDH SORRY LOVE YOU

 **jmadzzz** : omg

\----

 **macaroni fUCK** : wHY ARE Y O U SCREAMING

 **jmadzzz** : !!!!!!!!!!!

 **little lion** : we feLL ASLEEP AND STARTED SLIDING LIKE. FARTHER DOWN INTO THE WATER, AND I GOT WATER IN MY NOSE

 **laf** : WHICH WOKE ME UP, BY THE WAY!! 

**little lion** : THERES WATER IN MY B R A I N 

**jmadzzz** : I mean there's?? I mean YEAH 

**little lion** : NO LIKE MORE OF IT THAN USUAL

 **johnn** : shdHKJSHSD are you okay !!

 **little lion** : NO

 **little lion** : BUT FOR ALL MEDICAL REASONS YES 

**more like HUNKules** : why are there so many snacks in here??

 **more like HUNKules** : we all know frances isn't spending like. a single second in her dorm

 **little lion** : THEYRE FOR IN CASE SHE DOES AND TO BRING OVER TO FRANCIS AND JAMES'

 **little lion** : YOU STOLE HALF OF MY SNACK SUPPLY IN COLLEGE I AINT FORGET

 **more like HUNKules** : I love you??

 **little lion** : you owe me probably 2000 dollars in cheetos 

**more like HUNKules** : you'll have to kill me for it

 **laf** : OKAY 

**laf** : LET'S MOVE ON

 **jmadzzz** : oh frances told me she loved me and I'm gonna bawl

 **little lion** : IDK WHY YOU THINK ITS WEIRD THAT MY KIDS LOVE YOU YOU'RE HERE PHYSICALLY AND HERE FOR THEM EMOTIONALLY LITERALLY ALL THE TIME 

**jmadzzz** : STILL!!

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : so I've decided to die

 **anastasie** : oh why this time 

**pip pip doodly doo** : uhh so me and theo were. 

**pip pip doodly doo** : BASICALLY WHEN WE'RE AT HER HOUSE ALONE WE

 **pip pip doodly doo** : SHE HAS ALL THESE COSTUMES IN HER HOUSE BC OF HER MOM DOING THEATER AND BC SHE DOES IT AND SHE MAKES ALL HER STUFF AND SHE LIKES DESIGN SHE HAS A LOT OF INTERESTS IM GONNA MARRY HER AND WHATEVER

 **pip pip doodly doo** : AND SO WE LOOK FUCKING DUMB

 **pip pip doodly doo** : IM IN. A PHANTOM OF THE OPERA COSTUME. 

**pip pip doodly doo** : AND SHE IS WEARING. SHES TRINA FROM FALSETTOS. IN THE LEG WARMER FUCKING OUTFIT. AND SHE DOESNT LOOK DUMB SHE LOOKS BEAUTIFUL AND I LOVE HER

 **pip pip doodly doo** : AND WE ARE. SCREAMING IN HER HOUSE BC HER PARENTS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE !! ON A TRIP!!!!!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : SO THEY COME HOME WHILE WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF A MARVIN AT THE PSYCHIATRIST RENDITION 

**pip pip doodly doo** : AND MY LIFE IS OVER THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK

 **anastasie** : you obviously could not have been made fun of for this

 **anastasie** : the burrs are not the type 

**pip pip doodly doo** : WE WERENT MADE FUN OF BUT WE WERE LAUGHED AT ON SIGHT

 **pip pip doodly doo** : LIKE BURST OUT LAUGHING BC THEO IS DOING THESE WEIRD HIGH KICKS AND IM ROLLING DOWN THE STAIRS 

**pip pip doodly doo** : THEY LIKE JOINED IN BEAUTIFUL HARMONIES BUT AT WHAT COST 

**anastasie** : hsjdhKJHDJJHDJ

 **pip pip doodly doo** : YOUVE JUST LOST A BROTHER AND YOU ARE LAU G H I NG AT ME!! 

**anastasie** : SIR IT'S VERY FUNNY 

**anastasie** : ALSO

 **anastasie** : SPEAKING OF UHH ?? GIRLFRIENDS?? IDK WHAT WE ARE

 **anastasie** : NOTHING HAPPENED

 **anastasie** : BUT LAST NIGHT I MAY OR MAY N O T HAVE LET MARTHA COME OVER LATE LAST NIGHT NOTHING HAPPENED

 **anastasie** : DISCLAMIER NOTHING HAPPENED

 **pip pip doodly doo** : STOP S AYING THAT

 **anastasie** : BUT SHE'S HERE AND NOW IDK HOW TO ANNOUNCE THAT SHE'S HERE WITHOUT DADS AND PAR GETTING. MAD AT ME. FOR SNEAKING IN A G IR L!! BUT WE'RE HUNGRY!! AND WE CANT JUST STAY HERE!! WE'LL STARVE

 **frances** : FIRST OF ALL PIP I K N O W YOU HAVE A VIDEO WHICH I DEMAND THANK YOU

 **frances** : SECOND OF ALL WHAT THE FUCK ANA

 **frances** : WHY DIDNT WE KNOW ABOUT THSI!!

 **anastasie** : BC I KNEW YOUR BIG MOUTH WOULD TELL DADS AND PAR !! we were knitting and also,,,kissing a tad,,,I'm going to die,,,,noTHIGN HAPPENED

 **anastasie** : IDK HOW YALL ARE SO OPEN TALKING ABOUT THIS I HATE IT

 **frances** : WE ARE NOT THAT OPEN

 **pip pip doodly doo** : we are don't even lie

 **pip pip doodly doo** : you FREQUENTLY tell us about james' ass like we have EVER cared about the subject

 **frances** : okay,,,fair

 **frances** : it is a nice ass though you HAVE to acknowledge

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I do not have to acknowledge shit

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I will, however, say that true your man is packin

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ain't even my birthday and he got all that CAKE

 **pip pip doodly doo** : okay I'm calm now. I'm fine.

 **anastasie** : ANYWAY 

**anastasie** : yes martha is here

 **anastasie** : how do I uhh,,,let them know that

 **frances** : just walk out into the living room 

**frances** : they're just gonna assume they saw her in the midst of packing extravaganza but didn't See her

 **frances** : I've gotten away with a lot this way

 **anastasie** : that,,I don't think that's healthy??

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I can assure you not one of us has ever gotten away with shit

 **pip pip doodly doo** : one time I snuck out to go see theo at like 2 am bc she wanted to go on a ""late night date"" with me and I made NO NOISE there was NOBODY in the lobby to tell anyone I was gone and somehow when I got home later hercules was down in the living room like oh nice of you to come back

 **anastasie** : shit

 **anastasie** : if we've never gotten away with ANYTHING I feel like I would've been dead by now

 **frances** : oh worm??

 **anastasie** : yeah but y'all don't need to know why

 **frances** : ??? I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHY

 **anastasie** : no it doesn't concern you most of the time 

**frances** : MA'AM??? MA'AM

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I can't wait until when ana goes to school somewhere across the country and when she's gone we fill her bed with jello 

**frances** : oh same

 **frances** : like she comes home and she's like oh finally relaxation and then she just drowns in the suffocating sensation of the berry blue gelatin sea

 **anastasie** : guess I'm commuting!!

 **pip pip doodly doo** : you'll have to be gone eventually

 **frances** : and that's when we strike!!

 **frances** : also I forbid you from going to columbia absolutely refuse

 **frances** : it was MY IDEA to go to dads and par's alma mater and you CANNOT copy me

 **anastasie** : IM??? WHO SAYS??

 **frances** : ME!!

 **frances** : PIP YOU TOO

 **pip pip doodly doo** : christain clown college is in florida so I'm fine

 **anastasie** : ANYWAY?? WE'RE COMING OUT TO EAT SO FUCK OFF 

**anastasie** : IF YOU HEAR YELLING JUST ASSUME ITS ME

 **pip pip doodly doo** : we were gonna assume it was you anyway

 **frances** : yeah our parents don't yell at anyone except each other when fighting over movie night choices

 **anastasie** : I know and I love that about them

 **frances** : worm

 **anastasie** : aLSO like not to be That Lesbian but I Love Martha

 **anastasie** : she's just really easy to talk to and !! she gets everything I talk about even if she's not personally interested in it she still comments and talks about it w me like wowowowowow I love her so MUCH

 **frances** : oh my fucking god it's been TWO WEEKS

 **anastasie** : WHICH IS BETTER THAN MOST LESBIANS I CAN ASSURE YOU

 **pip pip doodly doo** : LHDJKHDSKH

\---

 **macaroni fUCK** : martha schuyler-wales is here????? I didn't??? know that???

 **laf** : oh yeah

 **little lion** : ana snuck her in last night bc she thinks that her and her siblings can get away with anything when they can. get away with nothing. actually.

 **johnn** : the apartment is part of the telepathic link btw, but the kids are not

 **macaroni fUCK** : wait

 **macaroni fUCK** : is that why you always open the door before I knock

 **little lion** : yes

 **macaroni fUCK** : how?? does that work?? 

**little lion** : I don't question the link I just follow it sweetheart

 **macaroni fUCK** : oh

 **jmadzzz** : back slumped, goofy smile, red cheeks

 **jmadzzz** : something is telling me he likes sweetheart

 **little lion** : oh yES

 **little lion** : I'm gonna call you sweetheart til the day I DIE and when we're ghosts I'm still gonna call you that

 **macaroni fUCK** : I'm !! in love with you 

**macaroni fUCK** : and if you wanna like come down here so we can like. hug romantically. that'd be cool man

 **little lion** : I believe it's called ~embracing~

 **little lion** : but ALSO ana snuck martha into our house and ?? didn't want us to know??

 **more like HUNKules** : which is stupid bc she knows we would've said yes to her coming over anyway but ??? it's finE 

**johnn** : not loving the fact that ana might not trust us though?? are we embarrassing to our children

 **laf** : we have an open door policy anyway anyone can come whenever

 **little lion** : so wHY do our children consistently try to sneak in their People

 **more like HUNKules** : maybe it's a teenage rebellion thing??

 **johnn** : their therapists told me that they might be scared of repercussions bc of things that might have happened before they came into our family

 **laf** : but still we should talk about it

 **little lion** : just to be sure 

**jmadzzz** : deadass cannot wait to get the psychic link subscription so I can get one full sentence all at once in my mind

 **macaroni fUCK** : jhdjahkjkhjd

 **little lion** : we knOW that but like ?? idk we'll ask about it 

**more like HUNKules** : are y'all out of the bath?? I smell the blown out candles

 **laf** : I had to watch alex practically concuss himself to get water out of his ear but ya !! we're drying off now and we can come down to help in a little bit

 **jmadzzz** : oh we finished!! we're done everything is packed in its proper box both james' and frances' stuff!! 

**little lion** : oh!! yay !! we're coming down and we can all make lunch!! TELL ANA NOT TO TOUCH THE KITCHEN IM MAKING LUNCH

 **johnn** : the Force of this message oh my god

 **johnn** : she said "yesss" and her and martha sat down on the couch like this was their plan the entire time

\---

 **little lion** : WE HAVE MADE GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES

 **little lion** : WE ARE OUT OF BOTH BREAD AND CHEESE NOW

 **pip pip doodly doo** : :^( I want one

 **little lion** : if you come home you can eat the not one but Two grilled cheeses I have made specifically for you !! they have tomato on them 

**little lion** : theo also has two if she would Like Them sans tomato bc she is a Normal Person

 **little lion** : we have also prepared a Lot of soup

 **pip pip doodly doo** : is ana getting like yelled at?? scolded?? executed publicly?? for the crimes against the family she has committed?? like what

 **little lion** : do we execute?? you publicly when you sneak theo in and out of the house??

 **pip pip doodly doo** : no that'd be a hate crime

 **pip pip doodly doo** : and I resent the implication that I have ever snuck theodosia burr-bartow in OR OUT of this house

 **little lion** : ????? all of the things that would make that a hate crime I also am ??? literally every single one

 **little lion** : also hate crimes are not,,,acceptable jokes,,,,,

 **pip pip doodly doo** : you accuse dad of being homophobic all the time this is the same thing

 **little lion** : it is NOT and idk why you don't wanna be a lawyer I think you'd be good at it

 **pip pip doodly doo** : idk why didn't YOU want to be a lawyer, DAD

 **pip pip doodly doo** : OBJECTION!! leading the witness

 **little lion** : I was going to be but I hated pre-law so muCH so I changed to statistical and financial economics 

**pip pip doodly doo** : that is,,,disgusting,,,

 **pip pip doodly doo** : ,,,anyway,,,so no?? ana gets to just live??

 **little lion** : we're having a family meeting about it 

**pip pip doodly doo** : oOP I'm coming home

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : should I be a lawyer??

 **theodosia the Second** : ,,,oh you in a suit

 **theodosia the Second** : the love in my heart jumped out 

**pip pip doodly doo** : FOCUS

 **theodosia the Second** : sir I am incapable of that

 **theodosia the Second** : anyway yes I have full faith in you and ya cute ass in law 

**pip pip doodly doo** : it has been added to the careers list 

**theodosia the Second** : why do you always ask me first khkjsdhjdsk

 **pip pip doodly doo** : weLL I mean

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I love you a lot and I want to marry and have a life with you, so whatever career I decide to go into affects you because you'll be right there beside me as I navigate that field, so I can't do something my future wife Can't see me Doing

 **pip pip doodly doo** : you know me best

 **theodosia the Second** : I am crying Actively but lafayette just called me and 1. invited me over for grilled cheese again and 2. told you to hurry the fuck up bc they know you haven't left yet

 **pip pip doodly doo** : fuck

 **pip pip doodly doo** : letS GO!! 

\---

 **pip pip doodly doo** : oh we're getting psychoanalyzed 

**anastasie** : ok but like why does it make sense

 **anastasie** : do you like uhhh?? remember like. your living situation. before you came here

 **frances** : I was really little so no but I wasn't That little so kind of

 **frances** : I was six when they adopted me?? so I remember like. the first day of kindergarten but not like the weird fucked up shit my parents did to me when I was little that dads and par explained to me when I turned 16 bc I was so desparate to know but like

 **frances** : the trauma was still there

 **frances** : apparently I was starved ahaha so sneaking things doesn't surprise me 

**anastasie** : I am. not interested in finding out so no ma'am I do not know shit I am not interested in knowing shit I love our parents I have one memory and it's touching a hot lightbulb when I was like three and burning myself 

**anastasie** : they said that was fine and if I wanted to know when I got older then they'd be willing to tell me

 **pip pip doodly doo** : I remember stuff but it wasn't that Bad like it sucked and I have like leftover trauma but it doesn't bother me That Much

 **pip pip doodly doo** : as much !! as it did when I was smaller

 **pip pip doodly doo** : and yeah I told them I was cool knowing what I knew already and not knowing them anymore 

**frances** : love you guys by the way

 **pip doodly doo** : love you too <3

 **anastasie** : love you

 **frances** : I'm also kinda glad they had everyone leave the room even like thomas and james bc I'm not like !! ready for that with uhhh anybody else 

**frances** : and I'm kind of happy they asked us bc !! I like being care about

 **frances** : god I don't wanna go to college

 **anastasie** : frances!!!!!

\---

 **macaroni fUCK** : you guys okay out there??

 **little lion** : we be crying give us seven minutes

 **macaroni fUCK** : okay love

\---

 **france eyes** : I love you so much but my dad wants me home so I gotta gO !! bye my loves I'll see you tomorrow

 **james** : kisSssSsS me before you go and only then will I accept your departure 

**france eyes** : oh!! if you insist

 **frances** : DONT FUCK IN MY ROOM

 **france eyes** : I'm

 **frances** : WITHOUT ME

 **james** : that's what I thought 

**frances** : also hold on one more minute I want a hug from my bFS!! 

**france eyes** : I HAVE TO GO!!

 **frances** : ITLL BE QUICK!! 

**france eyes** : aHHhHHHH

\---

 **frances** : uhh I know we're already all in bed but can we move to the living room and just. sleep in a pile. uhh for the culture and,,Not any other reason,,,,at all

 **johnn** : we'll get the extra pillows!!

 **little lion** : I CAN MAKE HOT CHOCOLATE

 **little lion** : we have vanilla bean ice cream I can put in 

**frances** : !! ye

 **little lion** : no problem my love

 **more like HUNKules** : I'll get the white noise machine!! 

**pip pip doodly doo** : I'll get the blankets!! 

**anastasie** : martha said she's cool with sleeping in the Pile so we're also coming 

**pip pip doodly doo** : we love you frances!!

 **frances** : I love you guys too

 **frances** : and if I start crying then uhhh shut the FUCK up

 **little lion** : we've been crying for the past twenty minutes it's fine skdhsdjh

 **frances** : we appreciate an honest bitch

 **laf** : VOLLEGE

 **johnn** : they're half asleep ignore them

 **laf** : AH

 **johnn** : exactly

\---

 **martholemew skywhales** : why do your parents make breakfast in silence

 **anastasie** : sometimes they wake up really early and we don't feel like talking so we just don't 

**anastasie** : theo usually breaks the silence which is helpful when she's here 

**anastasie** : we love theo can you tell

 **martholemew skywhales** : that's sweet 

**martholemew skywhales** : I like how your parents just. accept the people their kids date as part of the family. I imagine my parents would be like that if any of us would buck up and actually get a significant other

 **anastasie** : oH speaking of significant others !!

 **anastasie** : wanna be mine??

 **anastasie** : like my girlfriend or WHATEVER 

**anastasie** : BC I KIND OF LIKE YOU A LOT

 **anastasie** : AND WHEN I TRY AND TELL MY SIBLINGS ABOUT HOW MUCH I LIKE YOU IDK WHAT TO CALL YOU SO,,,LETS GET TOGETHER YEAH YEAH YEAH

 **martholemew skywhales** : yes !! 100%

 **martholemew skywhales** : I'm gonna kiss you REALLY quick nobody will even notice

 **anastasie** : they will but I don't care 

\---

 **laf** : ANASTASIE LOUISE !! 

**anastasie** : SHH DONT BE HOMOPHOBIC

 **laf** : !!! THE NERVE !!!

\---

 **johnn** : alex is really wearing his Shorts to move our daughter into college

 **johnn** : how am I supposed to focus 

**johnn** : how am I supposed to breathe

 **little lion** : shUT UP!!

 **little lion** : you're wearing a tank top I don't wanna hear shit!! 

**johnn** : you're so hOT I'm gonna KISS YOU RIGHT NWO!!!

 **laf** : logically frances' stuff should only take three trips max with everyone going

 **little lion** : yeah but we have to split up to help james move in 

**little lion** : we have ONE HOUR to do this

 **little lion** : we need to OPTIMIZE PRODUCTIVITY 

**more like HUNKules** : bringing back our college vocab I see

 **little lion** : oh fuCK YOU

 **more like HUNKules** : skjdhskjdhskjhdNO

 **johnn** : hercules really makes fun of us KNOWING we hold all the power bc we know where he's ticklish like wow. the courage.

 **laf** : sdlhskjdhs

 **johnn** : ALSO do you think francis' parents would help us move frances in ??

 **laf** : francis' mom is obsessed with me and she scares me to my bones

 **more like HUNKules** : kjsdhkHDSKJHSKJDHSKJDH 

**laf** : she always tries to like. seek me out bc I feel like she thinks I'm the "woman" of the situation which like. no. bc I'm not. I don't adhere to the gender binary At All it's kind of all I've been fucking with since I was 17 and she Knows but Still like subconsciously seeks me out and she doesn't Like y'all as much ((seemingly bECAUSE of this)) which is weird bc y'all are infinitely sweeter than me but !! it's fine

 **laf** : francis also knows this and he's like STO P and I've literally had him call me after we see her and be like "mx. lafayette I'm so sorry" to which I yeLL AT HIM ((nicely)) bc it's not his fAULT and he teLLS HER THAT but she WILL N OT 

**laf** : anyway despite this she's nice and gives me recipes that I eventually give to alex bc he likes to try new shit and I'm in the kitchen making ancient recipes that require us to like. heat a cauldron and a hearth to make it taste like it's supposed to and even then, without the blood of a dead monarch, it still isn't as good

 **laf** : essentially the thought of seeing her is like oh fuck oh no and then I get over her weird obsession with me and she's a cool person to be around

 **little lion** : I love you and literally drop the word today and I will bother this woman so hard she will forget you exist 

**laf** : thank you 

**little lion** : also they would bc the other half of their son's dorm is james' dorm and who do they love more than our dearest daughter?? nobody no ma'am not even god

 **more like HUNKules** : also!! alex I've decided to kill you bc you told james and thomas where to pinCH ME ON THE ARM TO WAKE ME UP

 **little lion** : it's important and I refuse to say sorry!! also are you DRESSED

 **more like HUNKules** : sir I'm washing dishes

 **more like HUNKules** : I'll be up in a minute

 **little lion** : we HAVE!! A DISHWASHER!!

 **johnn** : lafayette just froze bc james put on one of their shirts and they promptly turned and planted face first on the bed

 **laf** : he's IN my CLOTHES and he's BEAUTIFUL and IM GAY for HIM

 **jmadzzz** : aw

 **laf** : hUSH

 **little lion** : EVERYONE GET DRESSED BEFORE I OFF MYSELF

 **macaroni fUCK** : wait I just woke up again

 **little lion** : BYE

\---

 **little lion** : PHONES OFF NOW WE NEED TO OPTIMIZE

 **little lion:** MY PHONE IS ALLOWED AS I HAVE TO TAKE PICTURES OF JOHNS ARMS BUT NOTHING ELSE

 **johnn** : you're so DUMB 

**johnn** : I love you so MUCH!!!

\---

 **laf** : frances really is alex's daughter

 **johnn** : RIGHT

 **johnn** : LIKE SHE HAS THIS B O X OF MOMENTOS FROM HER FAVORITE PARTS OF HIGH SCHOOL AND THEYRE ALL ORGANIZED IN ENVELOPES SAYING WHICH YEAR THEYRE FROM AND I WAS LIKE ??? AND SHE GOES "in case I forget" LIKE MAAM WE PAID 1000 DOLLARS FOR YOUR PHONE?? YOU DONT GOT PICTURES ON THAT THING???

 **johnn** : AND THEN THERE WAS CLIPBOARD AND THE L IS T 

**more like HUNKules** : JOHN SHE LITERALLY PACED THE ENTIRE TIME AND KEPT TAKING THINGS FROM US TO PUT THEM WHERE SHE WANTED THEM AND I WAS LIKE wow. a laurens.

 **more like HUNKules** : like one of the good ones

 **jmadzzz** : !! omg and she shook hands with her roommate who she's meT before like you told me this and she was like nodding with everything they said and smiling and laughing to like. let them know it was cool to keep talking like how hercules does like !! 

**macaroni fUCK** : then she took control of things after we had all of her stuff in and when she Wasn't pacing and taking stuff out of our hands, she was ((very helpfully btw)) directing us and also being veRY nice about it like lafayette does when they lead meetings or the group retreats we have and it's something I find just. so admirable like we stan

 **laf** : I LOVE OUR BABE!!! 

**little lion** : WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE !!! HELPING JAMES RIGHT NOW!! LETS GO!! 

**little lion** : BUT ALSO YOURE ALL VERY CUTE 

\--- 

**more like HUNKules** : me and alex are crying in the parking lot DONT contact us

 **little lion** : I KNWO I'm supposed to be helpign I know but jsut gimme a minute

 **laf** : sir we have a child to move into a dorm

 **more like HUNKules** : lafayette we're dying

 **more like HUNKules** : a bunch of other people are staring at us

 **little lion** : I think they think hercules is my dad and I'm just really sad to be away from him 

**more like HUNKules** : god you're the worst shUT U P 

**little lion** : he said this and then picked me up and spun me

 **little lion** : one girl looks VISIBLY horrified like !! he's my husband fuck off 

**laf** : if YALL get to cry then ME AND JOHN get to cry after you're done

 **little lion** : that's fine give us three minutes we love you

 **laf** : oh worm we'll be down

 **johnn** : apparently recounting your favorite memories of your daughter as she moves forward onto college is ""embarassing"" and ""banned from the Good Vibes dorm"" like tf??

 **more like HUNKules** : people are staring at alex's ass and I'm trying not to make eye contact with them dhsdkjhd

 **more like HUNKules** : it's like. so many middle aged women and I can't just like turn him away bc then there'd be anoTHER group of middle aged moms trying to get a good look at what my husband's got like STOP

 **laf** : kjdshJHDJK SHUT

\--- 

**johnn** : wanna have a wind down of the day

 **little lion** : JAMES THANKED US FOR BEING THE BEST PARENTS HE ALWAYS WANTED AND FOR TAKING CARE OF HIM AND ACCEPTING HIM AS PART OF OUR FAMILY AND IM GOING TO THROW MYSELF OFF THE R O O F

 **johnn** : so,,you Do,,,want to have a wind down of the day 

**little lion** : YEAH ID LIKE THAT AND ALSO UHHH

 **little lion** : MAYBE A HUG

 **jmadzzz** : ON IT

 **laf** : OH MY GOD AND FRANCES KICKED ME OUT BC I WAS FUCKING BA W L I N G LIKE!! I WAS A WRECK IN THERE!! WHAT ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO D O 

**laf** : LAUGH IT OFF?? NO!!

 **little lion** : WORD WORD WORD !! THE GOOD VIBES DORM'S VIBES WERE NOT FUCKING LUSCIOUS !! 

**laf** : I'm going to this vending machine and buying us water bc we are. dehydrated

 **little lion** : certain bitches would like the excedrin migraine you keep in your purse

 **more like HUNKules** : me and alex are certain bitches

 **macaroni fUCK** : add me to that s'il vous plait

 **laf** : !! got it

 **little lion** : AND FRANCES HUGGED US AND THANKED US FOR HELPING HER MOVE IN BUT IT FELT SO FINAL AND I!! LOVE HER SO MUCH I DONT WANT TO LEAVE HER

 **johnn** : SHE WAS ALSO FLIRTING WITH HER ROOMMATE LIKE WE COULDNT TELL LIKE MAAM JUST BC WE'RE OLD AND COMMITTED DOESNT MEAN WE DONT N O T IC E

 **little lion** : wait fr??

 **johnn** : oh my god 

\---

 **little lion** : we're going to eat !! you SURE you don't wanna come with

 **frances** : I am NAPPING

 **little lion** : oKAY we're going now then we'll be back in time for your seminar thing I love you so much!! 

**johnn** : we lovE YOU!! 

**laf** : !!!! 

**more like HUNKules** : !!!

 **frances** : I loVE YOU TOO NOW GO

 **frances** : ITS SLEEPING TIME IN THE GOOD VIBES DORM

\---

 **frances** : I've like. talked to my roommate before but uhhh I'm home of sexual

 **frances** : and she keeps flirting with me so I'm going to LOSE IT

 **james** : lhdskHKJDHSKDJH my roommate is pretty h0t too yknow

 **france eyes** : fuck OFF

 **james** : we're in college!!!

 **james** : I'm so scared ahaha!!

 **france eyes** : and I'm kiIIiISSIN YOUoOu!!!!

 **frances** : I'm taking a NAP goodnITE 

**james** : goodnight dear

 **frances** : mMGMmgmgoODNIGHT I LVOE YOU

\---

 **little lion** : WE'RE COMING UP TO YOUR DORM THANK GOD I FEEL LIKE I HAVENT SEEN YOU IN YEARS

 **frances** : IM GONNA BE HERE FOR FOUR YEARS

 **frances** : HOW OFTEN DO YOU THINK YOURE GONNA SEE ME?? 

**little lion** : HUSH WE'RE HERE

 **frances** : S I R

\---

 **johnn** : this thing is long as fuck and I was like okay hercules is zoned out you can tell and then I look over and alex is taking fuckign notes

 **little lion** : JUST IN CASE

 **more like HUNKules** : I'm not zoned out I'm just not Listening 

**more like HUNKules** : it's Different

 **little lion** : oh of course

 **little lion** : not to be vulgar but hercules' lap?? lookin like a prime piece of real estate right now

 **more like HUNKules** : you can't SAY THAT when we're in PUBLIC

 **little lion** : all I know is martha and ana are going to the movies with jane and lucy, and pip and theo are going back to the burr's so,,,the house is empty

 **more like HUNKules** : you caNT BRING THIS UP WHEN WE HAVE THIRTY MINUTES LEFT OF THIS FOR MY MIND TO WANDER

 **little lion** : sure I can

 **little lion** : I just did

 **laf** : I love when alex murders hercules

 **more like HUNKules** : OH DO YOU

 **more like HUNKules** : HOW NICE

\---

 **little lion** : I am not as sad as I thought I would be 

**little lion** : I thought I would be a wreck but I've already done that so it's all good I guess

 **little lion** : like I miss frances but I'll see her. and yeah it feels Weird but like

 **little lion** : her, francis, and james all go out a ton so it's not Unlike that

 **little lion** : hercules, you have parents

 **little lion** : how did they feel when you went off to college

 **more like HUNKules** : shdkjsh uhh my dad cried, my mom was really excited, they hugged me and sent me off

 **more like HUNKules** : hugh didn't move in for another week so he was home and he called me saying that everything was fine and they talked about how if I dropped out of college then I bEST go be a dancer

 **more like HUNKules** : my mom very much wanted me to be a professional dancer 

**laf** : I love her so much

 **laf** : also hmm

 **laf** : yes if she drops out of college she will JUST have to go be part of the trans-siberian orchestra 

**macaroni fUCK** : there is ?? no trombone in the tso

 **jmadzzz** : "tso" you really just exposed yourself like that

 **macaroni fUCK** : sdjhHDKJ we stan the tso fuck off

 **little lion** : VERY sweet you know she plays the trombone but also she can sing so like it's fine

 **johnn** : oh I love frances' singing !! I love our kids

 **laf** : !!!!!!

 **more like HUNKules** : I mean same, but none of the children are home rn,,,and alex has made some,,,,prior statements

 **little lion** : oh worm let's gO

**Author's Note:**

> heehaw sorry for the. fact that this doesn't make sense


End file.
